A Transcript of

My Rare Interview with the Elusive

Ima Bratt

as written by

Lacy Love, Reporter


L.L. - “It’s nice to finally meet you Miss Bratt.”

Ima- “Yes, I can imagine how excited you must be.”

L.L.- “So, are you ready for our interview?”

Ima- “I’m here aren’t I?”

L.L.- “Yes, well I want to thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to speak with me today Miss Bratt. May I call you Ima?”

Ima- “You might as well- that’s the name I use when I talk to myself.”

L.L.- “Ha! Ha! That’s funny.”

Ima- “What’s funny?”

L.L.- “Um, never mind. It’s been rumored that “Ima Bratt” is a “nom de plume”- is that so?”

Ima- “A nom de what?”

L.L.- “You know, a pen name, a pseudonym…?”

Ima- “I’m sorry, I was under the distinct impression that this interview would be conducted in English not gibberish; yet somehow I can't understand a single thing you’re saying.”

L.L.- “My apologies; I was inquiring if “Ima Bratt” is your real name.”

Ima- “Ok, I see where this is going. Let me ask you a question. What do you do for a living?”

L.L.- “Well... I’m a reporter.”

Ima- “So, is that your real name?”

L.L.- “What? I’m afraid I don’t understand...”

Ima- “Then I’ll try to speak more sloooowly. You said ‘Ima Reporter’ and I asked ‘Is that your real name?’”

L.L.- “Noooo, but...“

Ima- “NEXT!

L.L.- “Um, okaaay, where was I....?”

Ima- “In your chair of course”

L.L.- “Right...Is it my imagination or did you just slip into an English accent?”

Ima- “Eh, what?

L.L.- “There it is again....”

Ima- “Excuse me, but are you quite alright darling? First you’re seeing things, and now you’re hearing things- you really should see a professional about that.”

L.L.- “Thank you so much for your concern- really. Now, I notice that you are wearing a disguise today, can you tell us the reason for that?”

Ima- “Disguise? What disguise? And who exactly do you mean when you say 'us'?”

L.L.- “Myself and the readers of course.”

Ima- “You do realize that we are the only people in this room right? I must say, you are really starting to creep me out.”

L.L.- “Alright then, let’s just get back to the subject at hand shall we? You do have to admit that there is an air of mystery about you...”

Ima- “I don’t have to admit it, but yes, I do try to keep a low profile if that’s what you mean.”

L.L.- “And why is that?”

Ima- “There are several reasons, one of them being that [whispering] my line of work can be quite perilous.”

L.L.- “Perilous?”

Ima- “Yes, [still whisperingperilous.”

L.L.- “Perilous.”

Ima- “Yes, Perilous!”

L.L.- “How so?”

Ima- “It’s quite simple really. In order for me to write my shocking exposés, I have to stalk...I mean “observe”, potentially wicked children in their own habitat, which can be rather dangerous you know. If they were to recognize me, the little beasts might turn on me at any moment.”

L.L.- “So why do you do it?”

Ima- “Because the stories I relate help prevent potentially good children from becoming potentially wicked children, that left to their own devices become potentially wicked adults. Goodness knows we don’t need any more of those. You see, it’s not about making a name for myself, I do it for the children.”

L.L.- “That certainly is commendable. Now, speaking of your name...”

Ima- “What is it with you and the name questions already?!”

L.L.- “Please Miss Bratt; I am a reporter- I’m just doing my job.”

Ima- “True, very true. Ok, I’ll throw you a bone. Let’s just say that names have been changed to protect the innocent; and since I’m the only one who’s innocent here, I’m the only one who gets to change my name. That is [winking], if I did change my name.”

L.L.- “Oh, I see; very interesting. So “Ima”, as a writer you must be pretty creative...”

Ima- “Really? You think I’m pretty? Sometimes it’s hard for people to tell because of the disguise- if I was wearing a disguise that is. Anyway, thanks so much for noticing.”

L.L.- “Um, actually what I said was ‘as a writer you must be pretty creative.’”

Ima- “Oh sure, I knew that.”

L.L.- “Yes, of course you did. Anyway, what I was trying to say is that some writers use different techniques to bolster their creativity or help them to concentrate. For instance, I once interviewed an author who always writes in his underwear...”

Ima- “Well, that’s just ridiculous- I would never do that. When I write I wear someone else’s underwear.”

L.L.- “Hmm...I’m not really quite sure what to do with that...”

Ima- “Wellll [speaking slowly], you are the reporter, so you’re supposed to jot it down on that little pad you brought with you. Man, do I have to do everything around here?!”

L.L.- “Ok... well I did have a few more questions but I think that I’ve had just about enough...I mean I think that that will be about enough for today. Again, I want to thank you for your time Miss Bratt...Ima.”

Ima- “Well, you’re welcome dear, but I think you’re still a bit confused. The name is Miss Ima Bratt, not Miss Bratt Ima. Maybe when you leave here you should go lie down.”

L.L.- “No...what I meant was...Uh...Oh, never mind! Yes, I think I’ll do that- for some reason I have a splitting headache.”

L.L.- "And that will conclude my interview with the elusive Miss Ima Bratt. This has been Lacy Love reporting. Someone please bring me an asprin...”


 Ima Who?

So, who in the world is Ima Bratt? In a word Ima Bratt is an enigma 

( if you don’t know what that means go look it up, we’ll wait…) Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah, in a word Ima Bratt is an enigma.


In eighty-six words she is:

A roaming resident of the Pacific Northwest where she lives with her mother Shirley, a trained service squirrel named "Mickey", and thirteen cats whose names she can’t remember. When Ima isn’t writing or spying on naughty children, she spends her time cataloging indigenous  mold species and tracking Bigfoot. Although Miss Bratt was never a child herself, she has encountered more than a few bratty kids in her lifetime, so she is practically an expert in her  field. This  is her first  book ( so  cut  her  some  slack ).